This one's for you

Life will always confuse me. How was it determined how we would work? Why do our bodies work like they do and why do they stop working eventually? Why is there a lifespan? I don't mean all this in the way that science explains. I guess it's where some people turn to religion, but I just talk out loud instead. Matt's grandfather passed away on Sunday and it's been getting to me. I don't have any family near me, so he kind of became family. Just a few weeks ago we were at his house for Matt's birthday. Just a few weeks ago he was receiving medals long overdue to him for his service in WWII. I'll miss him.

Last week some of my coworkers had been having the, "You're so skinny and attractive," conversation with each other and that always brings me down. I've been skinny(er), but I wasn't attractive. People told me I was and perhaps physically I was (I never thought so). I was the ugliest inside that I have ever been, though. All the same, losing the praise and taking on the hateful comments isn't sunshine and rainbows. Perhaps it makes you appreciate it more, though, when someone stops to tell you that you look nice. It's all so shallow and I hate that I let it bring me down. To cheer myself up, I bought more shoes. Expensive, impractical, amazing shoes. And I put on makeup to go buy said shoes. Don't want those DSW salespeople to judge me after all...

(I only put these shoes on to show you the impractical awesomeness and didn't wear them together with the nylons for realsies, promise.)

At the end of the night I snuggled in with my reindeer pj's (it's getting cold!) and decided to forget about the negativity.